Hot and Cold

"Sea glass is one of the very few cases of a valuable item
being created from the actions of the environment on man-made litter."

This past year has been all about hot cold, yes no, in out, up down. (Katy Perry is a bright-eyed, bright-lipped genius.) 'Roller coaster' doesn't even begin to describe all that has passed. More like uncoordinated juggling. Imagine the colorful balls of first grade and a teacher's first year thrown clumsily into the air along with love, pain and pimples-- all to be poorly juggled by an amateur who instead of asking for a hand barks at the offers to assist.

That is all that I remember lately. To do lists, poor juggling, and deterrence. Start date? Can't remember. End date? Indeterminable. When I try to think of what good has come of this year, it often produces no result. I look at my face and I see scars. I look into my heart and I see wounds. I look around me, I see nothing and no one. An optimist would have no trouble seeing the full glass of adversity. I guess that makes me a pessimist today. The sky is gray, my sweater is itchy and this tea is too cold to drink.
After all that crashing and tumbling, how hopeless the bottle must feel. Broken to bits. No consumers in sight. Not a hand to recycle it. There is an astounding persistence about its hardship. On the one hand it seems unbearable and cruel. It serves its purpose only to be thrown into the ocean, literally, where waves and storms relentlessly wear it down. On the other hand, I say it is astounding because sometimes.. I get the feeling that the waves that persistently come at me are the people I love the most.. and they come at me not to break me down but to shape me with their support and loving presence.. which is astounding considering the miserable way I have treated them through and through..
What words can be left after such things?

None. There are no words, no things, and no people.


There is only grace.
Because in the end, through everything difficult and terrible, what remains? Not a stone that used to be a beautiful shell, but smooth sea glass that used to be a piece of garbage.

The remains will always be that of a sinner, survived by grace and grace alone.