Spike!

There is a boy named Spike in my class. He looks exactly like Dash, from The Incredibles. Blond hair, tiny nose & lips, and a square face. Spike has a crush on Olivia and wants to be close to her all the time. While they already sit at the same table he also makes every effort to sit next to her on the rug during teach times. His persistence is noteworthy, as he is but six years old. The other day, Spike tried to impress Olivia by recounting the things he did over the weekend. Specifically, he told tales of his bravery and courage, how he bravely pressed a butter knife against his tongue shedding neither blood nor tears. The pride on his face quickly disappeared when he saw that she was unimpressed. Fortunately, Spike has an adorable 'sad face'. Press on, Spike.
Unlike Dash, Spike is from England and his British accent, coupled with his slight lisp, makes him the most darling boy in his class. Just delicious. I desperately want to be his friend but it is clear that Spike is too cool for the likes of me. And my 'sad face', unfortunately for myself and everyone else, is nothing like adorable.

Spike: Fish 'n chips. That's a British word.

me: What about the loo? Like, 'I'm going to the loo' ?
You are so awesome. Let's be best friends.

Spike: No. I don't recognize that word.
Get away, I have a lot of friends already.

me: ... Whatever, your name is weird.

Kids are too immature to be friends with anyway.